Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
