We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
