her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize