You took a bar mat shot.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The air was thick with penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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