Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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