Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
