Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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