He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
