So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize