Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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