"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
