do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize