I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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