...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Less talking, more tequila
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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