Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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