I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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