Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
