You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
