cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
