She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
