I have demons in me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
