So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
