he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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