I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
