i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
