You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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