I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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