Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
