have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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