there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
