Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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