I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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