I think im going to throw up on grandma
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
