Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
