two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
