Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
