So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
