He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
