I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
