I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
