Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
