anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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