Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
