Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
