I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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