I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just pee around me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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