Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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