YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
