never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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