I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Quick, to the slutcave!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
