The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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