I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
