Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
