He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
