Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
