so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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