Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
