i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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