We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
