who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
