it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
