I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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