Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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