whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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