the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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