I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
