im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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