I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
