FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize