I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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