found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
