my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
