I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
