I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
