I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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