So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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