how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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