This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need moral support for this bender
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
