life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
