Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize