the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
